Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
