I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
