The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize