Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
