Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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