My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
