So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
we should paint friendship bongs
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