I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
