i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
