Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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