You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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