Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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