I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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