She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
