You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize
