It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
