If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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