im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sobbing to NWA
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
