I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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