so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm at about main and main street
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
