Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
