I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
