I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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