When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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