Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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