He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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