That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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