its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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