just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize