I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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