You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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