a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
