If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
