she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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