On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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