In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
