just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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