I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
