TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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