The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
