I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
