High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
try to milk me bitch
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