Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
