Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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