69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
