I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
