Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
