one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
