There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
