I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
