watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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