is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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