I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
