WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm having to shit out rocks
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