i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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