She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
