I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
