I could make wine with my vomit
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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