there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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