I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
