ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
