Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
