He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
