bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
