am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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