No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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