I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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