when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize