My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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