my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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