god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
