at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
