thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
