Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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