would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
