I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
